Sunday, July 18, 2010

A Dad Decision

Traditionally the father walks the bride down the aisle and gives her away to the groom. I've always known this tradition wasn't for me. Not the whole tradition anyways.

I guess I'd say that my relationship with my father is not as strong as some girls. My parents got divorced when I was seven and my sister and I lived with our mom full time. We saw our dad every week, but we never shared the same bond with him as we did our mom.

So when I first considered walking down the aisle when I get married, I thought about asking my mom. But then that didn't seem right exactly. It's hard to explain. As much as I want to stray from the norm, I can't fight the fact that I am, in fact, a traditionalist.

Then I thought, I'll just walk by myself. I'm a strong, confident woman, I can do this myself. But that wasn't right either. The day is about me and my groom, but it's also about my family. I want to include them in every way that I possibly can.

I decided to ask my dad. I know what I said at the beginning of the post, but I wanted to. In the last few years, even though we live far away from each other, he seems to take more of an interest in my life. And he's been extremely generous with the whole wedding. That's not to say I'm asking him because he's giving us money. I know it would make him happy, and I want everyone to be happy on our wedding day, not just the groom and I.

But I'm doing it on my terms. Yes, my dad will walk me down the aisle. But I'm going to walk down the stairs when I come out of the house at the venue alone, all by myself. Then my dad will meet me at the bottom of the stairs to walk me down the aisle. As we approach my groom, I will say goodbye to my dad and walk the last few steps by myself.

There will be no "giving me away". I have been on my own for over 4 years now and there's no one to give me away accept for myself. Even if I did still live at home, the idea of one human giving another away seems almost like slavery or something. No thanks! My dad will just have to be okay with my decision.

Is your father walking you down the aisle? Would you consider yourself a traditionalist?


  1. I would say Im a modern traditionalist. Unfortunatley my dad passed away 4 years before I got married so I had to think of something else. My family situation is a little different as I have two families. I moved in with a couple when i was 16 b/c my home life was really bad but i still had a relationship with my parents and sisters.

    So I had my biological mom and my "foster" mom walk me down the aisle. It was very different but it brought two parts of my life together which was nice.

  2. I love that idea! I'm glad you were able to figure something out that worked for you. And yes, I think I'm a modern traditionalist too!

  3. I'm having both my parents walk me down the aisle. I'm also closer with my mom so I thought it would be nice to have both of them walk me down, especially because I'm their only child.

  4. Awww. It sounds like your dad is really trying so it is great that in the end you decided to ask him. I'm not really sure what to do about my aisle situation - we are already married and having a ceremony because we didn't get one at our courthouse wedding. So it's not like my father would be giving me away.. I mean, we're already married! But I'll probably ask him to walk with me because it's symbolic. I love that you are walking part of the way yourself, too!

  5. Thanks ladies. I think this is just one situation where you've got to do what's right for you, whether it's tradition or not.

  6. The "traditional" way wasn't our choice either. I asked my dad to walk me half way. He will walk me from inside the mansion and half way down the aisle and then I will walk the rest of the way to Rob. Like Ghenet, I would prefer to have both my parents walk me down... but unfortunately, my mom has severe COPD and is oxygen/wheelchair dependent. She said she would rather go down before the processional, so we are honoring that. I choose this was to reflect the symbolism of our parents taking us half of the way... then we walk a little on our own... and then we commit to another.

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